Owing to the nature of the last post, I wanted to just make an appearance. Mom and Jim are here, and we have been getting things done and spending time and just existing. N watches over, as ever. I stab myself, and take my pills, and keep on the regimen. Each morning is still..interesting...for me, but there's a pattern that I am beginning to see--or a lack of a pattern, which is oddly comforting when seen as at least a foundation to each day. I have a lot more to say about all of this, but wanted to just pop my head out of the ether.
Hello.
And I also want to say that I was moved to a much much better kind of tears by some emails I got after the last post. Many of us have been bummed out. Have had the rug pulled out from under us. Have been somewhere personalized to each of us but in some way similar to the hole I fall into these days.
And people sent me thoughts, and recollections, and kindness, and care, and, most valuable of all, the image of themselves waving at me from the other side of it all. There were many different versions of "you will come back to yourself," and "there is an end," and "when it happened to me, I had to struggle, but I got through."
Nobody made out that they are going through what I am. And I would not pretend that I am know what anyone else's shadows feel like. But people get scared, and sad, and unlike themselves. And then they get past it.
And they tell me about it, and tell me it'll be alright.
Thank you.
The above picture is of a lake. Isn't it pretty? I think so.
